Q: Would it be a good idea to tell my friends about my date I’m going on and if I’m not back to call me to make sure I’m ok?
AskAnAdvocate: Yes, definitely! The term for this arrangement is a "Safe Call." As described in the linked article, a Safe Call has a few specific details ahead of time:
- The physical address(es) of where you plan to go.
- The full legal name of the person/people you're meeting.
- A predetermined time that you will call them by.
- A code word to text or say if you aren't freely making your call.
Q: Angie* has a boyfriend she loves to hangout with. Angie suspects her housemate is in love with her and jealous of Angie's boyfriend. So what would you suggests to them?
I would suggest to Angie to be brave and bring up her concerns to her housemate. Schedule a time to talk when you and your housemate won't be distracted by other things. Maybe try your favorite coffee shop or deli.
Even though it might feel strange, bring a note card or piece of paper with what you want to go over - not only will this help you stay on-point should your conversation be uncomfortable, but it will also be a reminder to hit all points you want to cover.
Practice assertiveness using x,y,z statements like "I feel [x], when you [behavior y], at [time z]".
For more information on assertiveness and boundaries, check out this article from MentalHelp.net.
*As with all of our posts, any names or identifying information has been changed to protect anonymity.